You only get one ‘health’

We all know that we should listen to our bodies more and be in tune with them, but sometimes factors out of our control take over and stress and anxiety takes over.

I know that stress can be a silent killer as a past cancer patient and I do try to manage my stress levels but it’s not always easy.

Life has a horrid way of throwing curve balls at us, when you think you are in control or biting you on the arse (excuse the saying).

I read somewhere recently that ‘grief’ comes in many different disguises, whether a trigger of a smell or, something you have watched on TV, it can really throw you off course.

Only two weeks ago, I wondered why I was on edge in the hospital and more sensitive to everything and then I remembered it was the anniversary of Debs (aka Bowelbabe) someone who touched so many people.  For me it was the day she left hospital for the last time to go home to be with her family, been pushed out past Wallace Wing reception by Sebastian and she looked over at me as I said goodbye and I just knew.

Also, the other day I found myself putting on a cardigan and realising its like a comfort blanket for me, as it was my mum’s and even almost nine years on, I can still smell her.

Recently, I have been asked by many people how do I volunteer in the Royal Marsden, a specialist Cancer Hospital and not find it sad or depressing.   But it is not sad or depressing in the way they ask.   It is an amazing place which gives people HOPE and it gives me purpose.  Of course, I would not be human if I wasn’t affected by it but for me, I feel having been on the Big C journey myself and been part of the Cancer family that I can help people who need empathetic and genuine support.  

One of the reasons, I started to volunteer in the March of 2017 as I came to the end of my treatment, was to give back to the hospital that saved my life following my diagnosis of stage four breast cancer.   And, over the years I have found comfort in the fact that talking to people as people did to me, I have given people HOPE.    It is not about my experience was worse than yours and I have even heard people say they feel like a fraud when they come in, having had one round of radiotherapy and its all done and dusted.  But nobody is a fraud as it touches people in so many different ways.

Now, after six years of volunteering as a Friend of the Royal Marsden Chelsea, I have taken on the role of Vice Chair something that I felt extremely honoured to be asked to do and something that I know will be a challenge but I am ready for the next three years.   But I am not alone, and formed the ‘Three Musketeers’ with two colleagues as we take on this new chapter for the charity, and hope that we can leave a legacy as our Chairs before us have and that the Friends have done over the last 81 years.

I say about only getting ‘one health’ and that means knowing when to take a break, when to slow down and when saying NO is ok.      No isn’t a natural word in my world but something that cancer taught me was that its ok to say No and it is ok not to have to justify why you have chosen to say no and that I don’t need to feel guilty.  Slightly easier said than done though and I really need to take a leaf out of my husband’s book on that one.  He is forever telling me, he doesn’t need the stress, he can not do stress following his TIA.   Even to the extent when I have my meltdown, he puts his fingers in his ears and walks away – umm.

Is it menopause, everyone around me seems to say it is, but is it?   Well, I am going to have my hormone levels tested and see as one think I do know is that I can be horrible to the one person who has my back and that’s my husband.

I feel sometimes like I am an actress in a play with a mask.  That the outside world sees one person and sometimes it’s a case of paddling frantically under water.   I had a coffee with a friend the other day and we were talking about this and how people react in different situations and it is funny how many people have perceptions of you as a strong, independent woman but really you are firefighting the world to stay afloat.

I just keep telling myself, that its all about ‘balance’ and that I am number one and that nobody can protect me from what’s around the corner, I have to love myself and be at peace with myself otherwise I will fall.

Why, I am writing this blog today?   Sometimes, for me I can not always say this stuff out loud so, writing it down and posting it means I have put it out their and even if nobody reads it, I have not kept it inside to create turmoil in my tummy.

So, remember to LISTEN more and talk less with friends and family.

Remember to CHECK IN with friends and ensure it’s a two-way street.

And, remember love yourself, be selfish once in a while and LIVE, don’t let obstacles define you.

A Stroke, can change a life in a split second

I wrote this at the back end of 2022, a few weeks after my life or, at least my husband’s life changed in a split second, on Friday 30^th September 2022.  

So, do you know the signs of a STROKE, do you pay attention to the adverts on TV?

STROKE = FAST – Face, Arms, Speech and Time.

So, I rewind to the night of Thursday 29^th September, when we went to bed, said good night to my husband and went into deep slumber and then, awoken to observe my husband having a stroke.  Frightening, but those who know me, I am not a flapper in a situation like this or, at least on the outside not but, I may be paddling like hell under water.   Fortunately for both of us we knew what was happening and I called 999.

The 999 team were amazing, speak calmly and within 15 mins got to the house, and within a further 10 mins we were in the ambulance and on route to the hospital.  A very scary couple of hours when it’s happening as obviously you don’t know whether he will recovery and if it is a full-blown Stroke.

I knew the 11-hour rule or, had a I imagined this fact, but in my head, I was thinking he will be fine as he went to bed at 11pm and it was 0455, when he was having the stroke.   

The A&E team alongside the ambulance team were amazing and within minutes of arrival, the canula was in and he was having a CT scan and starting to improve so, when I was allowed in to see him in recovery at 0740 – a very long hour alone in a relative’s room I hasten to add, he just had a slight tingle in his left hand.

We only get one chance with our health and, scares like this make you re-evaluate what is important to you.  Easy to say, but stress is a silent killer and something we should look to ditch and more importantly it’s our body saying – stop and listen.  I preach it but don’t always live by it and, when they asked my husband about his stress levels, he was only concerned about the issues of the world, if only I could say the same.   But then again, I am a magnet for not only my own stress but everyone else’s too, but this year I am going to be more selfish, and protect myself.

We were not out of the woods immediately and like everything, these things happen for a reason but now three plus months later, we have had no more issues.  It turned out to be a TIA, (aka mini stroke) and he has made a full recovery and back to selective hearing but the concerning element was it wasn’t the first, which showed up on the MRI.

I am SO proud of him though, as he has managed to kick the cigarettes into touch.  As someone who smoked at least twenty a day for over 45 years it was something that he had to do, and within two days no more fags, so proud.

We have been back to the specialists and they were impressed by his stopping smoking and also lifestyle change.   He had to wear a heart monitor for a week and it coincided with his 60^th birthday celebrations so that was removed and just stayed at home.

Those who know my husband, he claims that I clipped his wings seven years ago and that all this fuss is old age.   In June last year, after a routine MOT I suggested he had, he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol.     And, within 24 hours of that diagnosis, he cut out the sugar i.e., the bowl of sweets every evening and cut our salt which again, I was so proud of him.  He changed his diet, lost weight and now back to that weight he was in his 30’s.  If only I could do the same but my weight change is due to the joys of menopause, or at least that’s my line.  

Something Hubert’s sister said to me after the TIA was, that we really must not forget to say ‘I love you’ to those close and, don’t put off the phone call to a friend to check in on them either.

Nobody knows what is around the corner, but I sure as hell do know, that in my wedding vows which I only made in May 2021, is that I am here for sickness and in health.   And I beat stage 4 breast cancer so, we have got this.

So, please this is a call out to everyone.  If you have a niggle or, anything in your daily routine changes with your body, please do not ignore it, pick up the phone, go to the doctor and DO NOT become the self-diagnostic Google expert.   Let me tell you Google is not your best friend when you are unwell, a professional is the only person who can diagnose.

We all have our lives ahead of us and life is for living, for fun and laughter and a wise women told me and continues to tell me, “Only do things that spark joy”.

Why I volunteer at the hospital that saved my life …

Volunteering is not for everyone but let me tell you, that the benefits are amazing, so please if you have a spare three hours a week, maybe you can consider it?

I had volunteered for a number of years for different charities, before joining The Friends of the Royal Marsden following my treatment seven years ago. 

For me, it was a natural step as, I was in a position having decided to stop my events business, as planning weddings was way too stressful.   And, I wanted to give back to the place that had saved my life.   For the eighteen months I was under the amazing care of the Royal Marsden, it became like home, it was my safe place.    Something that a lot of people may feel bizarre to read, but when you are in the Cancer club you will know what I mean.   By safe place, it became like my second home and when I was having a wobble, I used to walk through the hospital and all I needed was just one smile or someone engaging with me, and it would make me feel like I could continue my day, and I hope that is what I can do now.  

When I had my treatment, everyone smiled and everyone was always welcoming however, I was one of those patients who shunned help when asked so, maybe that’s why I wanted to be involved and I could find that way to touch everyone.

So, in March 2017 I became a volunteer, starting in the Friends shop, then I moved to Meet & Greet, then it was water in outpatients and, then the rest is history as I have covered pretty much all the volunteering roles that the Friends offer.       In 2018, I took on the role of the coordinator for Meet & Greet and then in 2019 joined the committee.

The pandemic hit volunteering hard however, and we were really lucky after a couple of months of the country locking down, to be invited back.  So, with the help of a team of 13 volunteers, we agreed to come back and offer Meet & Greet support on Wallace Wing and if I say so myself, I think it was a privilege.    It was hard at the start, as we were the only friendly face to accompany a patient on their journey, as no visitors were allowed into the hospital for the first six or so months, buts its changing now with a ‘new’ normal.

I personally think that I have grown as an individual for being in the hospital during the pandemic, as I witnessed first hand the staff on the front line.   We are a cancer hospital and so it was so important to shield patients from covid and thanks to the PPE we did.    It was also when you had to dig deep to reassure a patient who had left their home, come alone and embarking on a journey nobody wants too.

Something a lot of people suffered during the lockdowns was loneliness and, the patients felt that not been able to have a friend in chemo or, someone to sit with them on their first visit, it was so hard to see the frightened patients.    However, those who I have spoken to and followed on their journey over the last two years, they all say, that they are grateful to the volunteers and the friendly smiley face, even behind the mask.      

Obviously, sadly some of the patients you build a repour with, do not make it and that’s hard, as you build relationships and you would not be human if you didn’t react but, something that I have learnt, especially having worked in CCU (the equivalent of intensive care) is, that you need to leave it in the hospital, not always easy.

Why, am I writing this blog well it is really a call to action.   At the Friends of The Royal Marsden in Chelsea we need more volunteers to join the team, so we can continue to give the level of support to the patients on their journey and to the staff, which in 2018 earned us the Queen’s Voluntary Award, basically an MBE for a voluntary organisation.   

We are looking for people who are able to commit to three hours a week for a year, obviously with holidays and, I can guarantee that you will reap the rewards I feel, being involved and understand the benefits of giving this time, time which you will never get back.    The hospital is opening up again and we hope to be fully back to all the voluntary services we offer within the next few weeks, so, I do hope you will consider it.

Only the other day, I was talking to a friend who is looking to go back to work and, I said why not try volunteering for a year.   I appreciate it is not paid work but you will give you a routine, you learn new skills and it will look good on your CV, when you are applying for jobs.    Let’s face it, you never know who you will meet and the opportunities that can arise are their if you want them, and also there are so many opportunities within the NHS itself.

Volunteering is giving your time to help and support those who need you, time that you will never get back.  Start with three hours a week and then see how you get on; I won’t say how many hours I do because I do it for the patients and I love it.  I love to be able to say, I make a difference.

Each year volunteers are recognised for a week in June and this year, I plan to share with you just some of the amazing people I have met who volunteer alongside me.

What has having cancer taught me, five years on …

My cheeky fella, aka Hubert – Our wedding day 7.7.21. Photo by Charlotte Snowden.

I am just about to celebrate my five-year milestone of being Cancer free, six years with my now husband and seven years since I lost my mother.    But I am here, and I will continue to take a magical pill, in the form of Tamoxifen for a further five years.   

I have to confess that I have been slightly apprehensive about this review, as due to the pandemic one doesn’t get to see the doctor and I was told I didn’t need too anyway, as everything they needed was in the notes and biopsies from the initial operation when the Cancer was removed back in December 2015.  So, it was just a hormone blood test for me.

When I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer in late November 2015 it wasn’t a shock as, I knew something wasn’t right with my body but what it did do was it gave me a wakeup call.    I hadn’t had an easy 18 months prior, nursing my mother through Cancer and then the perils that go with sorting out probate and families.   Let’s just say we all manage bereavement in different ways.   

Then, at the anniversary of my mother’s death, which is 7 years today, I met my soulmate but someone I had known for over 40 years.   

• 

  The Rug Company, Chelsea – 21.9.2015

In that split second of hearing, you have Cancer all I could compare it was with my mother’s recent death, but I wasn’t ready to die and having kissed a lot of frogs before I found my Prince, I realised I needed to wake up and change my lifestyle, which I did in a heartbeat and I am now a happily married lady.

I wrote a weekly/bi-weekly email during my treatment and the other day, I looked back at some of those and chuckled to myself as, I did have some fun experiences with Anoushka.    As like many things that happen in life, we choose to forget things or we put them in a box and file away.   I have however been inspired by others in the Cancer Club such as Emma aka Limitless and Deborah aka Bowelbabe, two ladies who are amazing and great ambassadors for cancer and the Royal Marsden.    Some of my friends say that I am like them but I don’t see that.

The other day, when I was in the hospital (Royal Marsden Chelsea) where I volunteer, I was talking to one of my old chemo nurses, Laura who is just about to go off and have a baby and I said to her, ‘that I felt that Cancer had been a good thing for me as, it made me evaluate my life and it had made me a better person in myself’.   Not necessarily something many people would say but she understood where I was coming from, and I really do believe that I have learnt a lot about myself in the last six years.

Chemotherapy and the infamous ice cap – January 2016

End of Chemotherapy with my Chemo buddy, Christina – July 2016

When I had my treatment, it was 18 months out of my life, or my life was in the hands of my doctors at the Royal Marsden and I really had to listen to my body to be here where I am now.   After the operation I was told that I wouldn’t be able to travel for a year and may not be able to work, well that was the biggest hurdle for me and I just kept saying well put me in a box now.    My girlfriend, Anoushka who I couldn’t have gone on this journey without was amazing and, had to have firm words with me as it wasn’t sinking in.   I didn’t get to travel for the duration of my treatment but boy did Hubert and I make up for it in the February 2017, with a very special holiday to Kenya.   

My journey was a lumpectomy and some lymph nodes out, followed by chemo, resulting in a hospital stay for five days between chemo 1 and 2 and being neutropenic the whole time so that meant injections in my stomach daily, not something I could do myself so off I popped to the hospital.   Then I had a couple of weeks break and then embarked on the radiotherapy for 15 rounds (3 weeks).  Alongside this I had the hormone jab, Herceptin alternate weeks in my bum cheek and bloody hell that was tough, as it was like a bee sting and took about 5 minutes to administer, I was known for my choice language during this time.     I had some interesting times with chemo with the ice cap and I am sure I was the only one who used to have massive icicles on their head at the end so, after three stopped that, also my hair was coming out and I embraced being bald.

Something that helped me was the support of charities which you don’t always know about but are key to the support you have on the journey to recovery.  Having worked at Maggie’s following my mother’s death to Cancer in September 2014, I knew what was on offer but I didn’t want to be go their but found support in the Breast Haven and also ‘Look Good, Feel Better’.    Now that I volunteer in the Marsden and have been since March 2017, one of the things I promote, is the support of the charities and at least sharing that there is support available and in fact as an NHS patient you can get 10 hours of support/treatment.

Everyone handles their cancer journey differently but something I was told early on, was not to let it define you or, you will let it get the better of your life and, those were such wise words and I often share.

After my treatment, I was bald and I remained bald for about six months and kept my hair short as a reminder as I got used to my tamoxifen.   In the March, I decided to walk the Marsden March which I was really proud of myself, a half marathon on my own.

Banham Marsden March – 2017

The tamoxifen it changed my body and also the side effects brought on by menopause, something which wasn’t fun and, I really didn’t like my body for about a year.   I was luckily in a secure relationship and had wonderful friends but that was what sucked about cancer, my body changing was its cancer or my mindset?     I soon realised, I was the only one who could control how I would come out the other side and, thanks to lymphatic drainage massage and amazing therapists and alternative Chinese medicine I got my body back.     Then, I changed my lifestyle and no longer the party girl dancing on bars though I did boogie five days after the operation and may have ripped my stitches.    Then, we bought a new house 2 ½ years ago and since then have taken up walking and I have not felt so good in a long time, which I do put down to been married but that was only in May of this year.

I chose during my treatment to work and was really fortunate to be working for Coming Home part of Haig House with a dear friend, Henny Cochrane and that gave me a focus, it wasn’t always plain sailing and I would get to work some days, only to be sick and have to go home to sleep but it was a routine.

Now, I volunteer at the Marsden and started on Meet & Greet, did some time in the shop, did water in Outpatients, helped in the café, helped with MDU trolley and basically found a niche for been able to give back to the place that saved my life.   Now, I am the co-ordinator for Meet & Greet and have a team of 24 amazing people and a core team of 14 who have been working throughout the pandemic supporting patients on what has been a very strange journey as no visitors and masks and PPE.       A lot of people ask me why I still volunteer at the Marsden and do I not find it depressing, err hell no, I love it and I hope that from my experiences and compassion that I can help people.

Where do I want the next five years to take me?  I want to remain Cancer free and I will be on a tablet a day as that gives me some assurance I can continue to stay cancer free but, I need to be aware of my body and I need to avoid stress, easier said than done but I want to grow old with my husband and travel so here’s to that.   And, something that I never did before but I do try now, is to live in the moment and only do things that ‘spark joy’.

All I can say is thank you to the Royal Marsden Chelsea, thank you to the Friends at The Royal Marsden for letting me volunteer to give back and thank you to the patients who I whole heartly believe benefit from me as I know what they are embarking on.

Cancer is shit but the journey doesn’t need to define you and the hospital will become like your second home.   Remember we are in it together, there is a cancer club, so whereas friends and family may be a great support sometimes, its others who you meet in the blood rooms or in the waiting rooms, who can share a few words that lift you.

Take care everyone that reads this and please if you have anything unusual appear get it seen at the GP.

I am writing this to honour my Mum who died on 21.9.2014 and to say thank you for introducing me to my soulmate on 21.9.2015. 

My Mum and Sister – summer 2014

Life does change during the pandemic

I heard someone say that during the first lockdown it was a novelty but this one its harder and this is so true.  

I take my hat off to all my friends who have turned their hand to home schooling as its not easy to be a Mum or Dad and a teacher and stay friends with the child.  

I salute all my friends who are teachers who not only have to be in school teaching, they have to pre-record or do live streaming lessons, as well as keeping an eye on each child.

It is such an unknown territory for so many and there is no text book for how it pans out and, for when we will come out the other side.

HOPE

But we do now have HOPE, in the form of the vaccine and whereas it will not mean any time soon that we can throw a party, go on an overseas holiday, discard our masks, forget the ‘Hands, Face and Space’ strapline, it does give hope for some normality again in the not too distant future. However in the meantime we need to remain vigilant and do our bit.

During lockdown we have all learnt about ourselves and in some ways slowed down and learnt to love our surroundings, resulting in many people doing some serious soul searching of which I am in that category.

We, as in Hubert and I, have been lucky enough to be in countryside with woods in our back garden to explore.    We have enjoyed watching the seasons, from the rhododendrons to bluebells, the leaves changing colours to falling off the trees, the sign of spring with the snow drops and the first fall of snow.   Then there is all the nature from the owls hooting, to the woodpeckers, to the bats using the garden as a nursery, to the piglets at the farm shop, to our larger friends in the form or Roedeer and Monk jacks who often visiting the garden or keep you awake at night rucking.

Nature around us and interaction with animals has been my savoury and for all you with a dog, you will know that they are certainly a man’s best friend.   We have been extremely lucky that we get to walk our neighbours dog Monday to Friday, the only issue is she is white when we set off and black when we return.

Winnie the Pooh quote on ‘Life’

Last year, should have been the happiest and biggest day of my life, I was getting married finally, at 50 years old to my best friend, my rock, my soulmate Hubert and all that was shattered but it wasn’t cancelled, it was merely postponed.   So, all we can now do is HOPE that we will be able to tie the knot with a small audience in the forthcoming months and then when we can, we will celebrate not only our marriage but LIFE and FRIENDSHIPS.

Winnie the Pooh quote on ‘Friendship’

During lockdown, I think we can all agree that some friendships will have flourished and some maybe gone to sleep.  By that, I can definitely say that you realise friendships are a two-way street and as you have time to reflect, you learn to step away from drama and ensure you only surround yourself with people that do something that sparks joy.   This statement about ensuring you only do something that ‘sparks joy’ is such a powerful statement, which I only started to reflect upon recently, having heard it from a friend of friend, who is a Senior Paediatric Radiographer in London.  Someone who during this pandemic will has been tested and needs more than anyone to surround herself with love and positivity.

We have all had to adjust, whether it has been living in the same four walls as a loved one 24/7 or, working from home with limited space and technology, but the biggest think for so many is the missing of social interaction.    With no pubs, restaurants and parks it has been hard.  If like me you will talk to anyone, I miss just that and then get highly excited when a delivery chap comes to the door rings the bell and I rush to the door to find he has legged it.    But one thing I do know, is that I make sure I say ‘good morning’ or ‘good afternoon’ to everyone I see when I am out and when I do, that I smile.

A Smile

I have been very fortunate as I had a life changing experience five years ago when I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer and I survived it but it changed me.  Also, just over six years ago I lost my best friend, my mother to the Big C.   

I believe that things happen in your life for a reason and now I realise that you need to live in the moment, don’t procrastinate and embrace life and walk away from drama that saps your energy.

I like to set myself a challenge each year or learn something different and during lockdown in our lovely little village, I realised we were blessed. We have two pubs – The Cherry Tree and The Crooked Billet, both of which have been offering take away and The Cherry Tree did free school meals. Then we have the great family run café/village shop, The Stoke Row Store which excelled during lockdown and we visit almost every day. We are blessed with an amazing garage, who saved my bacon when I hit a pot hole. And, then we have the village primary school and two churches.   Having been a teacher (Montessori) in a former life, I decided to reply to an advert in our local village magazine to become a school governor and was accepted.    It’s a small village but we are a community and that showed during the lockdown, people look out for each other and whether it’s been buying shopping for a couple of people who can’t get out or, just smiling on a walk it all helps.

Smiling, is something you can do whether behind a mask or, just out walking because you can see it behind a mask, believe me. As, when I am in the hospital the patients and staff always say ‘oh its lovely to see your smile’, as I ensure that they can feel my empathy and the warmth of a smile when you can’t give them a hug which gives them HOPE on their journey.

Why did I write this blog, because I like to write even if nobody reads it and I have been inspired by so many people namely Deborah aka @Bowelbabe, Emma aka @limitless_em and someone who touched the nation, Captain Tom who has sadly died earlier today, a legend.

Is time a healer for grief … can we overcome the cards we are dealt …

Yes, and why, well in a few days, that significant date for me comes around again, the 21^st September.

Rewind to five years ago today, I lost my best friend, my mother to the Big C.  A short battle to this awful disease and I was so lucky to be in a position, that I could be her carerer and go on the journey but it was a loss.  I miss her and hope that I can make her proud and I often hear myself say ‘I am my mother’s daughter’.

Five years ago suddenly, I was without parents but what I did gain, was my ‘freedom’, I could be myself and for that I am grateful.

Then four years ago today, I went to the Rug Company Party and met my soul mate, Hubert Phipps. 

The Rug Company Party … Chelsea Focus

In reality it wasn’t when I met him, as I had in fact known him for over 40 years.  In fact, my mother had spent many years trying to set him up with girls but never did she think ‘me’.  Well, I have not looked back on the last four years and I hope that I will have many more years ahead.

My man aka Hubert Phipps

Then, three years ago today, I celebrated the end of my own treatment on my own Big C journey.  This came out of the blue and just 8 weeks after getting together with Hubert and I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for him and my amazing friends, especially my hospital companion, Anoushka Faisca.

After my chemo still had radiotherapy and jabs but the hardest part was over

In the last five years, I have realised that you have to live in the moment and that saying I lived by ‘saving for a rainy day’ needed to be parked.   Firstly, I had to have a change of career and no longer plan weddings as too much stress and now loving doing consultancy in a ‘team’, within charities doing events and fundraising.   I have Pamela Deakin and Henny Cochrane to thank for their support and keeping me busy, so thank you.

Grief is something that can hit you at any point and the reality that you have had a near death experience if you can call it that, is something you need to process and each day is different.   I still blame my lack of concentration to do my filing at home as ‘chemo brain’, not sure how long I can milk that one for though?    I know that I am in a great space now and I believe that through my voluntary work at Maggie’s and the Royal Marsden Chelsea that I have learnt to talk, listen and support.

Why, am I writing this blog, well I wanted to share where I have come and that over the past five years I have achieved a lot and sharing can give people encouragement to continue to strive.   I have overcome my fear of water and learnt to snorkel, maybe not a big deal to many of you, but a huge achievement.

Sarah Ducker and Henley Literary Festival and Mental Health

This year sees me as an individual sponsoring Charlie Hart & Beth Lynch at this year’s Henley Literary Festival on Sunday 29th September.

Previously, SJD Events Limited would have sponsored this event and over the past eleven years, I have sponsored many amazing authors, as shown below:

2018 – Kate Humble
2017 – Sir Chris Bonnington
2016 – Harry Parker
2015 – Lieutenant General Sir Barney White Spunner and Virginia McKenna
2014 – Princess Michael of Kent
2013 – Sir Major Michael Parker.
2012 – Sir John Major.
2011 – Craig Brown with Simon Russell Beale and Eleanor Bron. And, An Audience with Wilbur Smith .
2010 – Melvyn Bragg.
2009 – Ben Fogle and James Cracknel.
2008 – Pre-launch evening at The River and Rowing Museum.

At the end of 2018, I took the decision to close the business (SJD Events Ltd) as I had taken a career change and it made sense.

Over the past five years, I have been doing consultancy work in the charity sector for fundraising and events in the Military Sector. During this time, I have been fortunate enough to work on some amazing projects with Combat Stress, Coming Home (Haig Housing), There But Not There (Remembered) and Walking With The Wounded.

After my own life changing experiences, with the loss of my father over 15 years ago, the loss of my mother almost five years ago and my own first hand ill health to cancer three years ago, life does change.

Mental Health is something that can touch us all in many different forms and we all have to find the release that works for us. In my case, I enjoy giving back and volunteering at the Royal Marsden Chelsea which saved my life. I also enjoy my garden and walking in the countryside whether walking my sisters dogs or just walking by the river or getting lost in the woods, it’s the fresh air and been at one with nature. Also, I am lucky enough to have a soul mate in that a childhood friend came into my life four years ago and has become my rock and I am very happy as we now embark on a new chapter of our lives.

So, when Harriet of Henley Literary Festival approached me to be involved with the forthcoming festival for 2019, I explained as I always do, that I was looking for someone to sponsor that has an association with my work and mental health was the perfect match. At the moment, I am consulting at Walking With The Wounded a charity that supports Veterans who have served to transition into the community and a lot more (http://www.wwtw.org.uk) and I can’t wait to hear Charlie Hart on his book Skymeadow and Beth Lynch on her book Where the Hornbeams Grow.

There will be others at the festival touching on Mental Health, such as Bryony Gordon who has been very influential over the past few years sharing with everyone her own personal journey.

We all have a personal journey and sometimes it’s not as simple as black and white, it can also be a roller coaster at times but something I have learnt, that sharing is an amazing platform. Whether you talk to a stranger or you write it down and post it. I believe that saying it out loud is the first step to addressing it.

Below is just a little taster of the authors I am going to be sponsoring and if you want to check out Henley Literary Festival, please visit http://www.henleyliteraryfestival.co.uk

Charlie Hart – Skymeadow: Notes from an English Gardener

In Skymeadow, Charlie seamlessly weaves together his own memoir with that of his garden. The result is a lyrical and incisive story of mental health at an all-time low, the healing powers of digging and, ultimately, a celebration of nature.

Charlie is a gardener and author who writes and speaks about the way in which gardens and nature can rest the mind and heal the soul.

He has written for a wide range of publications including: The Sunday Times, The Telegraph, The Guardian gardening blog, The Scotsman, Sainsbury’s Magazine, Suffolk Magazine and many other journals and publications.

Beth Lynch – Where the Hornbeams Grow

Image from the Cambridge Independent

WHERE THE HORNBEAM GROWS is a memoir about carrying a garden inwardly through loss, dislocation and relocation, about finding a sense of wellbeing in a green place of your own, and about the limits of paradise in a peopled world. It is a powerful exploration by a dazzling new literary voice of how, in nurturing a corner of the natural world, we ourselves are nurtured.

Knowing when to let go … almost five years on

So, rewind to September 2014 when my mother passed away after a short illness to the Big C. My first time on the front line of being the carer and I learnt a lot as I cared over the 4 months.

Then, my sister suggested I visit Maggie’s as she had a friend who was involved and I found that the support this charity offered was amazing and it gave me the encouragement to get back in the driving seat. So, in the April 2015, I decided to look for a voluntary role and started with Coming Home, managed by a now dear friend, Henny Cochrane.

Working through the issues I was experiencing from grief to emptiness, this helped me, as when you are working with injured Veterans it puts life into perspective and I am grateful to Henny for believing in me.

Going on in the background was a nightmare probate but I am not dwelling on the past now and that went on for four years, which gave additional stress to both my sister and I. I salute my executors as they kept us sane, well they did keep me sane, as there were times when I was ready to throw the towel in and walk away.

Then in December 2015, I was hit with, you have stage 4, breast cancer. Thanks to the NHS and the amazing team at the Royal Marsden Chelsea, I am cancer free and my extensive treatment went to plan and all I do is take a pill daily. Not that you are ever free after a life changing experience and my lifestyle has changed and I think hand on heart that I am a better person.

I have continued to volunteer at the Royal Marsden Chelsea, something I have shared a number of times and met some amazing people and I hope that I have helped patients on their journey. I have worked on a number of contracts in the military charity sector and have loved the distraction of been a team player.

In 2018, I was approached by Maggie’s to act as the Chairman for the BADA Gala Dinner having been chosen as the charity of the year and pull off the event, which is on the 21st March. Once again it was a ‘team’ with Richard, Sandra, Caroline and from Maggie’s it was Rebecca, Angela and Lydia.

During the last few years, I have been sorting in my head the loss of my mother and it never gets easier. I cannot count the times I have cried in the loo or shouted in the car, bloody hell why me and what about supporting me, I do not have either parent. But I had my friends and my rock aka Hubert Phipps, who came into my life in September 2015 even though he had been in the background all my life.

When my Mum died and her estate was sorted, I got the flat on the end of the family home and initially it worked well as my sister and I could support each other, as she herself was going through a tough time with a divorce with two young kids. However, over the years our relationship strained as I stayed in a time warp and didn’t really want to move on, the family home was my safe heaven, it was where our parents had made us feel safe. With time though, I have realised that its ok now, I can move on and start afresh. I know that my Mum wouldn’t want me to dwell on the past and be held back, that much I do know and I am reminded by friends such as Anoushka Faischa.

So, last year my sister started to remind me September 2019 was de-day to move on, start afresh and in an ideal world she was looking to ask us to move on earlier, in April / May.

She had moved on and was trying to make a new business and needed the flat for her five-year plan. To me September 2019 was a long way away but it wasn’t but I was ready. I hosted Christmas day in the flat this year, which was very special to me, well I had to use the hot trolley and it was our extended family. It was as this time that we had seen a house and the seed was sowed, I was ready as it was on my terms.

Thank goodness this house didn’t materialise but it gave me the kick up the arse. Now I can happily say we (Hubert and I) have found our new dream home and just waiting for the bump in the road which I am assured is normal with house purchases, as we start afresh, building new memories together.

It’s time to say goodbye to the family home but nobody can take away the memories I have, they never go and the new place is not far away. The strange think is that both Hubert and I grew up locally and finding our new home was the cherry on the top, though no River and no railway line its now wildlife noises. We have been referenced by the estate agent to the vendor, as a middle-aged couple from London – cheek but they did add no children so look forward to meeting the neighbours and putting their minds at ease.

Once the offer had been accepted, we kept it to ourselves and the other weekend we went through the flat and container and I realised that I didn’t really have much from my childhood other than memories as the stuff was just stuff. And what I love about Hubert who also didn’t have a huge amount of stuff having sold his home, is that it is just that, stuff and it was now about new beginnings. Though I will add that the hot trolley, very 70’s is moving with me even if it has to be in the garage.

The moral of the story is, you will know when you are ready to move on from a safe haven and take the plunge into a new adventure. Don’t get me wrong, my flat in London is a safe haven and again I have friend Anoushka to thank for that. I am so pleased that my mum got to see it and visit and she knew it was my home.

But now, I am ready to take stock of my life and get on with new beginnings as I feel liberated, a bit like I did when I was bald after chemo, not sure if you will understand that comparison.

As I post this, we are waiting to exchange after a small delay on our new home and it’s all about looking forward and not living in the past so, Mr Phipps you better be worried, new chapters ahead.

So, please listen to your body and your gut and do things on your terms on your time scales, don’t be pressured. Telling my sister last weekend was a huge relief and now I hope we can re-kindle the bond of sisters.

January challenges – a Triathlon with team ‘You Me and Big C’ and volunteering

So, rewind a few months when I met Deborah and Lauren at the book launch of ‘F*** You Cancer’ at Henley Literary Festival and it was at this time that I realised I was part of what they called the Big C Club.

These ladies were inspirational and sometimes when I read all the different social media I now follow, I realise it’s not scary to be in the club and that there is a huge family out their to lift you on a dark day and celebrate on a good day. I am one of the lucky ones who have come out the other side and now am a Cancer survivor who just has to pop a pill every day for the next 7 years.

One thing that is very evident after cancer is that you do change and maybe after hearing Deborah and Lauren it was then that it hit home. Most of the changes I like, I have learnt to say no, well almost. However, their were a few little niggles, just little changes (well big in my head) were all normal having had a life changing experience.

For me and those who know me, I am/was one of the most organised people and that is what I prided myself in. However, over the last few years my organising of my own admin / life has been much to be desired and only a few weeks ago, I had a huge melt down and threw all my paperwork to the ground. All over my car permit and thank goodness my experience at the council was not traumatic or it may have been a lot worse. What I have noticed is that my concentration span and lack of interest is what concerns me and some days I can literally stare into space and do nothing. However, when I am working or volunteering you would never know this. So, friends and family said slow down and dedicate a day to your affairs so that’s my new year’s resolution.

So, what has that got to do with the 15km triathlon I signed up for #TriJan and Team You Me and Big C. Well, I am always looking for a challenge and so I agreed to do the 15km swim, cycle and run. My adaptation of this challenge was walking as I can’t run and as I already do an average of 3 to 5 km’s a day that is proving easy. The cycling I took to spinning in my capsule and that will be achieved in another 30 minute session. The swimming well, OMG, I hate water and not a strong swimmer so I bit the bullet and today my friend got me a pass and off I went to Chelsea Harbour and tackled the pool. I have to confess I may not complete that element of the challenge as that was 45 minutes swimming, which was 55 lengths and it was only 1.2 km – eek. Does it count I cycled in water?

So my body shape has changed and I don’t always like what I see in the mirror. The joys of getting old and of course menopause suck, but I have my health and that is what counts So, I listen to my body and adapt my lifestyle so, cut out red wine, don’t drink like I used too and I don’t eat as much red meat. I haven’t managed to cut out sugar and I salute those who have the will power.

One thing that I have also learnt recently is that ‘talking’ and ‘sharing’ is key to feeling good and that sometimes talking to a stranger can be just the therapy one requires.   Though I have been known and certainly before Christmas I spent long dog walks talking to them and in the past have spoken at length to babies – umm is this so they can’t answer back.  No, they are good listeners and that is also key.

At the end of last year, I took on the role of overseeing the volunteers for Meet & Greet at the Royal Marsden Chelsea and this is still a big part of my recovery. I love my Friday mornings at Wallace Wing reception and my Thursday afternoon’s in outpatients and covering other roles when required. After almost 18 months of volunteering, I feel like part of the furniture and I have made some good friends. One thing that I didn’t notice when I was on my journey back in 2015/2016 was the power of a smile or been shown where to go as the hospital is a rabbit warren and recently I have been really touched by cards, presents from patients I have touched. From a simply thank you for showing them where to go, a thank you for a smile to a box of chocolates which is quickly given to the nurses and a card . Then, and I am only human is when someone says thank you for your support during a patients journey who didn’t make it, it really means a lot. Volunteering gives me a great feeling and I feel honoured to be able to offer my services to the Royal Marsden and anyone reading this with a few spare hours a week should really consider volunteering.

I am also the chair on a committee for the Maggie’s, charity of year event for BADA in March and raising funds for the new Maggie’s at the Royal Marsden Sutton, opening later this year. This is different, as we have been hitting a brick wall on sponsorship due to the present economic climate but the show must go on and ‘The Secret Garden’ will be a huge success on Thursday 21st March, well I am involved, right.

So what is next, to keep being positive, get all my affairs into line and enjoy life, taking each day as it comes.

Thank you to all my friends and family for your continued support and especially to my rock, Hubert, the little people and my fury friends.

Getting a Wake Up Call

I am writing this article as I think I have just had a bit of a wakeup call.

What do I mean?

Nobody officially told me that my body would change after my Cancer treatment or that I would never really be the same again – eek and I thought I was doing so well.

So, lets rewind four months when I decided to stop all supplements. I had got sucked into different types of supplements and what benefits they offered and then I just decided NO, I would just take my tamoxifen.

However, not sure it was such a good idea, as I then started to suffer from severe reflux and then managed to be constipated for over 16 days. Anyway, after numerous visits to the doctors we are finally getting over this and now awaiting an endoscopy. Let’s hope they get to the bottom of it because if nothing else, I now listen to my body and something is certainly going on.

Two weeks ago, on the last day of the Henley Literary Festival, I went and heard Deborah James and Lauren Mahon talking about their BBC Radio Five Live show, You Me and the Big C. They were also discussing the book written by Deborah, F*** You Cancer. It was following this talk that I realised you never leave the Cancer Club, you just leave the hospital and the treatment and nurses, but the journey is not over and it’s the road to recovery now.

I thought maybe wrongly that after my treatment, life would get back on track and it would be the same as it was four years ago. But sadly, it’s not, cancer changes you both mentally and physically and I may have only now just realised this. Not only has my body changed thanks to menopause but I don’t have the vroom, vroom, like I did.

In this journey, one good thing is that I have found the love of my life and I am certainly not ready to leave that behind. I’m not going anywhere but several friends have told me that should the Big C come back, that it will have been my own doing – scary.

Over the past few weeks Hubert has been asking me to ‘slow down’ and what do I do, I do the opposite. Well a leopard never changes its spots but, I did hit a wall and having had two good night’s sleep realise, I don’t have to stop just go in fourth gear rather than fifth.
Someone the other day asked me why do I keep my hair short and not grow it like it was. Umm like it was, well that is not the same Sarah. I am about the new Sarah, in fact I felt absolutely liberated when I was bald, so keeping my hair short is a reminder that I am who I am – I don’t expect people to understand.

So why this blog and what do I mean when I say a wakeup call.

When I had treatment, I didn’t change my life style, or my diet and I came out the other side. So, why now two years later am I questioning myself. I have cut down in fact almost no alcohol at all, well red wine for sure and I don’t drink like I did and a couple of glasses of wine a week is max.

Exercise, I walk about 3 to 4 miles at least 4 times a week. I tried boot camp in the summer, but I am not sure my body was ready for that so, I reverted to spinning in a capsule but in the last few weeks have put it on hold but heading back on Saturday.

Why well I am listening to my body and right now its saying ‘slow down’ not something I do and whereas I am good at preaching it, implementing isn’t that easy.

For those of you who know me, I am a doer and don’t really know the word ‘no’.

For those friends reading this and going through menopause you will know that it sucks and then for those of you who have had breast cancer you will know our medication brings on the menopause. In fact, for the next 8 years I am pumped with as many hormones as 9 months pregnant women.

So, now I understand why I am all over the place it’s the hormones! Well that is what I am putting down the tears and mood swings too.

People say why don’t you ‘relax’ but its not that easy. When I go away, I can read a book a day but at home there is always a distraction.

I need to listen to my body and let it take me through the next step of the journey and when the body says sleep, sleep and not feel guilty.

I worked during my treatment for a charity for injured soldiers and that got me through the treatment as I had a distraction and a goal, and it was thanks to my colleague, Henny Cochrane that I came out the other side. Now I volunteer at the Royal Marsden Chelsea, where I give back to the place that saved my life and whereas again people think it is strange that I want to surround myself with Cancer, I am in it and hope my journey can inspire others. I am also an Ambassador for Maggie’s and presently working on the BADA event for next March, where we are aiming to raise money for the new Maggie’s Centre at Royal Marsden Sutton. And then, I am working alongside Henny again and doing some consultancy work for Remembered and There but Not There, a campaign for Armistice.

Sometimes writing down how I feel helps and then I feel I don’t need to publish but maybe in this instance I will publish.

The courage and admiration I have for Deborah and Lauren and many others who have shared their stories, I didn’t let cancer define me, but it changed me, and I think for the better.

Stand Up To Cancer is this Friday, so please support however you can as sadly the statistics are now that 1 in 5 of us will be affected by this disease.