I believe that two things change in your body while you go on your cancer journey and they are:
- Your brain
- Your looks
So, let me begin with my brain, well after being diagnosed you really do reflect on life, you ask why me, you ask what have I achieved and what do I still want to achieve. And, for sure you start to look at your life and take an inventory on where and what you want to do going forward. In some respects you are hurt by some of your friend’s reactions and how they disappear off the surface of the world and in other ways you are inspired by others, usually new who fill their shoes. But positive thoughts are the key to getting through cancer treatment and the personal journey you embark on. And for me, it was writing a blog, keeping a diary (usually with the crap stuff), starting yoga which I never managed and listening to healing music, you need to find the channel that works for you.
Then, there are your looks and this is what you feel, not what others see or say, and let me tell you as I come to the end of my treatment the next person who says ‘ooh you look so well’ may well get punched. I haven’t changed in my body, I didn’t put on weight and I didn’t loose weight but my visual change was my hair. I have written before about the changing hair styles but when I started the new chemo it was chemo six where I noticed the hair loss again and now I don’t see me in the mirror. Well of course it’s me but I don’t feel me till my hair comes back and it frustrates me. At the moment I wake up in the morning to a pillow full of hair and my bathroom floor is a carpet of hair and I don’t like that.
I stay positive though as my hair did grow during chemo which is unusual.
And, in fact only last week I had a good chuckle as a friend described my hair loss like a dandelion blowing in the wind, as we sat in the garden and a gust of wind blew and it looked like below.
A dandelion blowing in the wind ..
My hair ..
I always said I could handle going bald but in reality loosing all your body hair is ok it saves on razors but when you are bald you don’t feel feminine, or at least I don’t. You can put on make up and your favourite outfit but something is missing and its positive thoughts and knowing I am coming to the end of the journey that will pull me through. That and the fact I have a tight support team around me and my best friend, Hubert.
My advice to anyone embarking on the journey is that you must talk whether to family and friends or the chemo team or chat forum/blog but being open is the only way forward.
Here’s to new challenges ahead and the excitement of not knowing what colour my hair will grow back …